


Always You

by rockme



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Inspired by a Movie, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-31
Updated: 2013-07-31
Packaged: 2017-12-21 22:38:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/905780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rockme/pseuds/rockme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based off/inspired by the movie Life As We Know It. </p>
<p>There are always scenarios that you play out in your head. There are the usual ones, like how you play out a conversation with a cute guy you see at your bakery, or if you run into one of your exes at the grocery store. Sometimes, even the worse ones. Like if your parents died, what would happen to your younger siblings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Always You

There are always scenarios that you play out in your head. There are the usual ones, like how you play out a conversation with a cute guy you see at your bakery, or if you run into one of your exes at the grocery store. Sometimes, even the worse ones. Like if your parents died, what would happen to your younger siblings.  
  
Most people don't think of what would happen if your best friends die, and there isn't any immediate family to take care of their 11-month-child.  
  
Spencer thinks about it though, as soon as he hears the news that Brendon and Ryan were D.O.A. His heart feels so heavy, tear stains on his cheeks. They need someone to identify the bodies. 

The coroner pulls back the too-white sheet from over Brendon's face. Tears come to his eyes immediately and he nods, touching Brendon's cheek. It's cold and pale, so unlike the alive person Spencer knows. Knew. The coroner does the same with Ryan, and Spencer can't even touch him, tears spilling over his cheeks now.

 

Jon walks in, his stupid motorcycle jacket taught over his shoulders, helmet in his right hand. Spencer almost can't stand the sight of him, but then he sees the look on Jon's face, he could see his heart breaking when Jon looks at the two pale bodies. Ryan has a deep slice in his neck, and the coroner mumbles something about seat belts. Brendon only has scratches on his upper body, but blood is matted in his hair on the side of his head. 

 

Spencer can't help but keep crying now, and him and Jon are escorted out of the room. Spencer crosses his arms and looks at the floor while they wait for a social worker.

 

A woman in a navy suit walks over to them, her lips pursed. She didn't have the kind of face a social worker should have. She looked tired and annoyed.  _Sorry my best friends decided to die at two in the morning_  Spencer thought.

 

"I'm Andrea Lucas. I'm sorry we had to meet under these conditions," she says, but she doesn't look very sorry. 

 

"Where's Zoey?" Spencer asks. He doesn't want to be here anymore. He hated knowing his friends were dead in the room right behind him.  
 

"She's at CPS for the night. The Urie's lawyer will meet with you tomorrow discussing future arrangements with her. I recommend you both go home and get a good night's sleep. And I'm very sorry for your losses," she says with a nod, shaking their hands before she walks away.

 

A man that was standing slightly off to the side of her steps up and hands Jon a plastic bag. There are two sets of keys and two wedding bands inside. Spencer buries his head in his hands, sobbing. Jon stares at the bag before he wraps his arms around Spencer's shoulders, tears slipping down his cheeks.

 

\---

 

Jon wakes up to Spencer washing dishes. Spencer's eyes are red and puffy, and both of them are still wearing the same clothes from the night before. Jon can't decide if he should say something or just keep quiet, so he makes them coffee and hands a mug to Spencer. 

 

"Thanks," Spencer mumbles, looking at the cup. He wishes they could have just gone home. Everything reminded him of Brendon and Ryan. He hated being in the house that they started their lives in. He couldn't help but imagine them christening every room. It brought a smile to his face, but then he remembered he was supposed to be sad. Spencer sipped his coffee when the doorbell rang.

 

"I got it," Jon says, and he sets his coffee down and walks out of the kitchen to the front door, opening it. A tall man is standing in the door way holding a suitcase.

 

"Hi, I'm the Urie's lawyer, William Beckett," the man says. Jon nods and moves out of the way to let him in.

  
"Do you want some coffee or anything?" Jon asks, shutting the door behind William before leading him into the dining room. They pass the kitchen and Spencer follows.

 

"No, thank you," he says, and he shakes both of their hands when Spencer walks in the room. Spencer offers him a seat and him and Jon sit across from him at the table. 

 

"First, I'm very sorry for your losses. Ryan mentioned you a lot around the firm, so I know how you must feel. Did they ever say anything to you two about putting you in their will?" William asks as he opens his suitcase on the table, pulling out official looking papers. 

 

Spencer and Jon exchange looks at each other before they look back at William and shake their heads no. 

 

"I didn't even know they had a will," Jon says, scratching his head. Spencer brushes his hair back and sets his arms on the table. 

 

"So they never mentioned in a case of them both dying, the both of you would have custody of Zoey?" William asks, his eyebrows raised in slight surprise. 

 

Spencer clears his throat and slightly tilts his head as he looks at the table, then he looks up at William. "I'm sorry, did you just say Jon and I have custody of Zoey?"

 

"Wait, me and Spencer?" Jon asks, pointing between the both of them and laughing nervously. "No, me and Spencer don't.... There is no me and Spencer," Jon says, his hands going behind his head to grip his hair.  
 

"Spencer and I," Spencer corrects. Jon rolls his eyes and then points at Spencer with his thumb. "See? No, that's a no."

 

"There are other options, of course. Brendon's mother is the only grandparent still alive, Ryan has a sister in Washington state," William says, looking between the both of them. "The mortgage is taken care of. According to their will, this house belongs to Jonathan Walker and Spencer Smith. They wanted Zoey to grow up in this house," William says, serious now. At least more serious than before. "They wanted both of you to raise of her."

 

Jon sits back in his chair, his hands buried in his hair. Spencer brushes his hair back again before he takes in a deep breath. "What about just one of us? Could one of us just take her into custody? I just... I don't think Jon and I living together would be a good idea," Spencer states, scratching his neck.

 

"That is an option, but if that's what you really want, there will be many court dates to follow," William answers, and he bites his lip thoughtfully. "I have a lot of faith in Brendon and Ryan's decisions, if I might add, and I think that if they trusted you two to do this, you should at least try."

 

Spencer looks at him fervently as he chews on the inside of his cheek. Brendon and Ryan never mentioned what would happen with Zoey if something like this happened. No one ever thinks something like this would happen. But it's real, and Spencer realizes that yeah, of course they would give custody to him, but Jon? No fucking way.

  
But something clicks in Spencer's head, and he's speaking for himself when he says "Okay, I'm willing to try it. For Zoey."

 

Jon doesn't say anything, he just stands up and walks out to the backyard. He probably feels more frustrated than he looks when he takes out his pack of cigarettes, taking one out and sticking it between his lips. He doesn't light it though, just walks around the backyard.

 

Spencer holds his head in his hands and takes a deep breath when Jon finally walks back in.

 

"Fine," he says, and he walks back out and lights his cigarette.

 

\---

 

"This is so hard," Spencer sighs as he plops down on the couch. Zoey was finally asleep, and it was almost one in the morning. 

 

"I think she realizes they're gone," Jon mumbles, his hand covering his brow. His eyes were closed and there was a baby puke stain on his shirt. 

 

Spencer nods solemnly before he rests his head back on the couch. It's only been three weeks since everything happened. They haven't even had time to move their things into Brendon and Ryan's house yet. Or technically, their house. They barely even had time to be depressed.

 

"Zoey's birthday is next week," Spencer says, and he starts thinking of who to invite to her party and what kind of cake he should make, and her outfit. They didn't even have presents for her yet. Spencer grabs a pillow from the couch and puts it over his face. 

 

"They didn't even make it to their daughter's first birthday," Spencer mumbles, his voice slightly cracking. He doesn't know if he's glad he hasn't had time to grieve or not. He's been exhausted between running his bakery, taking care of Zoey, trying to organize his life, and he wonders to himself how Brendon and Ryan did this.

 

"Don't think about it," Jon says, rubbing his eyes and sighing. 

 

"How can I not, Jon? I'm living my best friend's lives here, it's kind of hard not to."

 

"Well I don't think about it and I'm fine, so."

 

Spencer rolls his eyes and pulls the pillow off his face to throw it at Jon. "Bullshit, Walker. I really do not believe one word of that statement," Spencer says, and Jon grabs the pillow and hits Spencer back with it.

 

"Stop it," Spencer says. Jon smirks and grabs the pillow before Spencer does, hitting it at him again. Spencer sighs and leans his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands, and out of no where, he starts to cry. 

 

"Hey, I didn't even hit you that hard," Jon says, sitting up more. Spencer just sniffles and shakes his head. He was probably crying more from exhaustion than anything, but then he thought of Brendon and Ryan being gone, he thought of how fucked up Zoey's life is now, even with how hard they were both trying.

 

"I just... it's so unfair. Why did the universe decide it was time for them to go? I would have rather... I wish it could have been me. They deserve everything they had, and we're stuck in their lives now. We're raising her now, and it's just so fucked up," Spencer says, wiping his cheeks. Jon scoots closer to him and awkwardly slides his arm around Spencer's shoulders.

  
"And you can't sit there and tell me you're fine, Jon. You and Brendon were way too close for you to just be 'fine'. I understand we haven't had time to be sad, but you're not fine," Spencer says, sniffling. A new wave of tears come, the kind of tears that don't allow you to speak.

 

"Of course I'm not fine, Spence," Jon mumbles, mindlessly stroking Spencer's arm with his fingertips. Who in their right mind would be fine a few weeks after the deaths of two best friends?

 

Spencer remembers one time when he stayed the night. It was the week before Zoey was born, and Ryan wanted Spencer to be there just in case. Spencer woke up because he heard music coming from downstairs, so he got out of bed and walked down the stairs quietly. The music was coming from the kitchen, but Spencer couldn't remember what song it was. He peered in and saw them dancing, Brendon's head on Ryan's shoulder and Ryan's hand on Brendon's bump between them. Their eyes were both closed, Spencer noticed when they rotated in the spot. Ever since he saw them together like that, Spencer wanted what they had. 

 

He wondered who he could have it with, but when he thought about it, it was almost impossible. Jon liked to bring people back to the house, and while Zoey was obviously too young to understand it then, she would start to wonder why her 'parents' lived in the same house but weren't with each other. Spencer didn't want to be like that, bringing potential people home. Zoey would literally have three sets of parents, eventually.

 

Unless of course, he brought Jon home. Spencer wiped his eyes and realized Jon's head was on top of his. He smelled like sensual amber, and Spencer smiled to himself. He's always smelled like sensual amber, so he knew it wasn't the smell of some chick Jon was recently with. Jon was warm and hugged Spencer just right, making him feel safe. Spencer never thought a day would come when he felt safe around Jon Walker. 

 

Maybe it wouldn't be so bad, living with Jon. 

 

\---

 

Spencer is feeding Zoey in the morning when Jon sends off the girl he slept with the night before. He kisses her ear and whispers something Spencer can't understand before she giggles and waves goodbye. 

 

"I don't understand how you find girls in our situation," Spencer says, wiping Zoey's mouth off with the spoon. 

 

Jon grins and pours himself a cup of coffee, drinking it black. "I have my ways," he says before he leans down and gives Zoey a raspberry on her cheek. She giggles and spits out the food she didn't swallow, some of it landing on Spencer's face. He scrunches up his nose and Jon laughs, making Zoey giggle louder.

 

Spencer glares at Jon, who grabs a paper towel and hands it to him. Spencer wipes off his face and slightly smiles at Zoey. 

 

"You're lucky you're so damn cute," he says, and she's still giggling. He smiles more and finishes feeding her.

 

"I have to go to the bakery to get her cake. You can watch her, right?" Spencer asks, pulling Zoey out of her high chair and grabbing his paper towel to wipe her face off.

 

"I suppose I can manage that," Jon says as he sips his coffee, and then the doorbell rings. Spencer looks at Jon and tells him to go put a shirt on, then he walks over to the door and opens it. 

 

A brunette woman is standing there, and she smiles and extends her hand that isn't holding a file under her arm. "Hi, I'm Victoria Asher. Social worker for CPS," she says, smiling at Zoey. Spencer shakes her hand and lets her inside, closing the door behind her. Spencer forgot how messy the house would probably look to a children's protective service social worker, so he led her to the cleanest place in the house, the dining room.

 

"Sorry it's so messy," Spencer says nervously, holding Zoey close. He's chewing on the inside of his cheek when she looks around. Jon comes back downstairs with a shirt on, seeing Victoria and smiling politely. 

 

"I'm Jon," he says, and they shake hands. Spencer notices her checking him out, and he can't help but smirk. 

  
"Victoria," she replies. "I'm here to check up on Zoey, of course, but also the living conditions. Do you mind if I take a look around?" 

 

"Uh, that's fine. Just don't look in the garage," Jon says, laughing nervously. Spencer glares at him as he hands Zoey over. Victoria walks around the downstairs, taking notes down on a clipboard. Jon just looks around while clutching Zoey, looking way more worried than Spencer.

 

Spencer just looks at him and raises an eyebrow before Jon leans over to whisper in his ear. 

 

"There's uh, some stuff in my room. And it's like, out."  
 

Spencer knits his eyebrows together, watching Jon and then realizing. Then he hits Jon's arm hard and grabs Zoey back from him, mouthing 'go fix it'.

 

Jon runs upstairs, almost tripping near the top. Spencer continues to follow Victoria around. "So how has it been with you two? Are you together?"

 

"Uh, no. Definitely not," Spencer answers. Zoey grabs his hair and he makes a pained face before pushing her hands away.   
 

"Right, just living together. It's been okay? Everything with Zoey?"  
 

"Er, yes, it's been great. I mean, as great as this situation could be, don't you think?" Spencer says nervously, then he hears Jon slam his door shut and run back downstairs. He stands next to Spencer, and Victoria gives them an odd look. 

 

Victoria checks the upstairs and then the garage before she leaves, telling them she'll be back soon. When she shuts the door, Spencer sighs and hands Zoey back to Jon.   
 

"Hey, don't be mad. Next time I'll let you join me," Jon says with a slightly chuckle.

 

"I'm not mad. That was... stressful. And she's going to be back again and she didn't tell us when. So can you please make an effort, Jon? I don't know how you feel about out goddaughter living in foster homes the rest of her life, but I'm not going to allow it if I can prevent it from happening."

 

And with that, he kisses Zoey on the cheek and walks out of the back door, making sure the door slams shut.

 

\---

 

After the children and parents for Zoey's party leave, and when Zoey has finally calmed down and been put to bed, Spencer starts cleaning. He's slightly surprised when Jon offers to do the dishes and take out the trash. 

 

When the house is clean, Spencer sits down on the bottom step of the stairs, yawning. Jon looks at him as he bites his lip thoughtfully. 

 

"I'm sorry about earlier," Jon mutters, leaning on the end of the stair rail. "I mean, of course I don't want her going to different foster homes. I just... I feel like-"

 

"You feel like they're coming back," Spencer whispers, scraping cake frosting off of his jeans with his fingernail. Jon nods solemnly, realizing Spencer's head is still down. 

 

"Yeah," he says. Spencer looks up at him before he looks at the pictures on the staircase wall. All of them are still Brendon and Ryan, of course. Their first date, their wedding, Zoey. 

 

"I feel like that sometimes, too. But I always remember why we're here in the first place. And I wish I could talk to someone about it, about our situation, but the first person I'd call up would be Ryan," Spencer says, and he pulls out his phone. "I still have his number."

 

Jon smiles sadly before he grabs Spencer's arm and tugs him up. "Come on, I think I know what you need," he says, holding onto Spencer's wrist as they walk up the stairs. Jon leads them into Brendon and Ryan's room, and Spencer pulls his arm back, standing still at the door.

 

"I can't go in there, Jon," Spencer says. Jon opens the door and Spencer can still smell them. He can feels tears forming already, and he shakes his head. Jon takes his hand and squeezes, and Spencer feels his heart get lighter. Spencer looks at Jon, feeling him tug on his hand again, and he takes in a shaky breath before he reluctantly follows Jon into the bedroom. 

 

Everything looks exactly the same as they left it. The bed is still unmade, and Spencer notices a pair of boxers on the floor of Brendon's side of the bed. He smiles a little and lets go of Jon's hand, walking towards the bed and running his hand over the soft covers. He could imagine them waking up tangled in each other in the mornings, Brendon making lame jokes and Ryan giving him kisses with a stupid grin on his face. 

 

Spencer missed them so much. 

 

He climbs into the bed on Ryan's side, grabbing his pillow and burying his face into it, crying. Jon bites his lip and climbs on the other side, putting his hand on the small of Spencer's back. He lets Spencer cry, feeling bad for making him come into their room. But then Spencer turns his head to face Jon, and he wipes his cheeks before he reaches over and pulls Jon closer, kissing him.

 

Jon's eyes widen, but his hand grips the fabric on Spencer's back. Spencer keeps kissing him, his hand on Jon's neck, and Jon kisses him back, his eyes closing. Jon pulls Spencer closer, both of them on their sides. Spencer tilts his head and deepens the kiss, their lips moving perfectly together. His hand that isn't lost in Jon's hair is under the pillows, and he feels something before he breaks the kiss, looking at Jon before grabbing the bag and pulling it out from under the pillows.

 

"You hid it here?" Spencer asks, sitting up while looking at the rather large bag of weed.

 

"Uh, that's not mine... I hid it in Brendon's spot," Jon says, sitting up and reaching for the bag. Spencer pulls it back before he touches it, a smile playing at his lips. He opens the bag and sniffs it. 

 

"I wonder if they left their dealer's number anywhere..." Spencer says. Jon laughs in slight shock before he takes the bag away from Spencer. 

 

"You little stoner!" Jon says, still laughing. He sniffs the bag as well before looking at Spencer and wiggling his eyebrows. Spencer laughs. Jon grins and pulls a rello from his pocket. 

 

"Oh, and you're calling me a stoner," Spencer says. Jon shrugs and stands up, a grin still on his face. He walks over to Ryan's desk in the corner of the room to roll the blunt.

 

When Jon finishes, he walks back over and climbs on the bed, sitting next to Spencer and pulling out his lighter. 

  
"Front door?" Jon asks. Spencer smirks and takes it from him, and Jon lights the blunt when it's between Spencer's lips. He takes a hit and holds it, passing it to Jon. 

 

"What was that kiss for?" Jon asks after he takes his hit. Spencer shrugs and blows the smoke out from his lips, looking down after taking another hit and passing it back to Jon.

 

"Do you remember when they tried to hook us up?" Spencer asks, and Jon nods while smiling. 

 

"You were a dick," Spencer says, shaking his head and slightly laughing. "I mean, what was that? You were an hour late, you drove your motorcycle, and then you answer a booty call when I'm sitting right next to you."

 

Jon grins. "Brendon said we'd be a cute couple and I wasn't looking for a relationship," he says, shrugging. They're still passing the blunt back and forth. Spencer shakes his head again. 

  
"You could have just said no, you know."

 

"Yeah, but I was still kind of interested in seeing you. Plus Brendon wouldn't get off my back until I said yes, so."

 

"Well, thanks, Walker," Spencer says, chuckling. He takes a big hit and looks at Jon before he leans in and kisses him again. Jon opens his mouth and Spencer blows out as Jon inhales. He lingers, biting Spencer's lip playfully as he smiles. 

 

"Do you think they planned this? Us?" Spencer asks, handing the blunt back to Jon. 

 

"Well, I guess they tried to. I think they knew something about us that we haven't quite figured out yet," Jon answers, and he smiles at Spencer. It's obvious that he's high already, and Spencer giggles before he covers his mouth and laughs. It makes Jon grin and laugh as well, and he leans back into the pillows, taking another hit and passing it back to Spencer.

 

Spencer lays down next to him, and they finish the blunt without talking. Jon looks at him and kisses him again, his eyes closing and his arms wrapping around Spencer's torso. Spencer smiles into the kiss, his arms going around Jon's neck. Their noses keep brushing against each other. Jon pushes past Spencer's tongue and strokes the top of his mouth and Spencer moans, moving on top of him.  
 

Jon's hands move down to cup Spencer's ass, and Spencer sits right on Jon's crotch. Jon has to break the kiss and take a deep breath. 

 

"Have you ever had sex when you were high?" Jon asks, and Spencer grins. 

 

"Jon, do you even realize who Brendon and Ryan are?" Spencer asks, and he kisses down from Jon's jaw to his collar bone, pushing Jon's shirt up.

 

Jon shrugs and then he laughs. "Oh, right," he says, and Spencer sits up to pull Jon's shirt off. They manage to get all of their clothes off in less than five minutes, and Spencer wonders if that's a record for him at least, because he's usually really slow when he's high. 

 

Spencer likes to tease Jon, his lips moving further down but his hand only touching Jon's cock, stroking. Jon arches his back and Spencer asks when he last bottomed with a guy.

 

"Um, a long time ago..." Jon mumbles, and Spencer rolls his eyes with a smirk on his face. He reaches over into Ryan's drawer, searching for lube but not finding any condoms. Jon sits up and bumps his head on Spencer's chin before he reaches over on the floor to grab his pants. Then he falls off the bed and Spencer can't help but laugh. He slides off the bed, lube in hand. Jon hands him a condom from his pants pocket.

 

Spencer grins and moves in between Jon's legs, leaning down and kissing him. "You okay?" he mumbles, and Jon nods awkwardly while they still kiss. Spencer's fingers seem to ghost over Jon's skin this time before he wraps his fingers around Jon's length. He pumps his cock slowly and Jon moans as Spencer breaks the kiss.

 

"N-no, I mean it's been a long time," Jon says, looking at Spencer. "A long time as in never," he adds, and Spencer raises an eyebrow. Jon bites his lip. "I shouldn't have said that."

 

Spencer notices how nervous Jon looks as he's standing up. He holds a hand out for Jon, who takes it and stands up. They both climb back on the bed, the lube still in Spencer's hand. He looks at Jon before Jon kisses him, and Spencer realizes for the first time how vulnerable Jon is. Spencer softens the kiss and feels Jon start to relax. Jon spreads his legs and Spencer fits more comfortably between them, and then he breaks the kiss and studies Jon's face.

 

"You want me to?" Spencer asks. Jon nods and puts his hands on Spencer's hips. Spencer bites his lip and looks at Jon before pecking his lips. 

 

"You'll want to turn around then. It'll be easier," he says, nodding. Jon nods as well, seeing Spencer moving so Jon can turn onto his stomach. Spencer moves back in between his legs again and leans down, placing wet kisses down Jon's spine. Jon closes his eyes, his arms under his head. He trusts Spencer. He's been trying to lose this virginity for awhile now. 

 

Jon feels the air hitting Spencer's wet kisses on his spine and he shivers slightly, biting his lip. His dick is underneath his stomach and he can feel it growing uncomfortably harder the further Spencer went down, his lips stopping right at the top of his ass. Spencer grins and skips over Jon's ass, putting his hands on his cheeks when he leaned down further to kiss his balls. 

 

Spencer hears Jon gasp, and he slowly takes one, and then two into his mouth, coating them in his spit and sucking softly. Jon moans, and Spencer can feel him shudder. He tries to to grin and stretch his mouth, so he pulls off, licking up the seam of Jon's balls to his perineum. Jon moans again and Spencer spreads his cheeks, continuing to lick up to Jon's entrance. He flattens his tongue over the entrance and Jon's hips buck into the mattress when he moans again and mutters a few curse words under his breath.

 

Jon's entrance is too tight for Spencer to push his tongue in, so he licks it a few times before he sits up and grabs the lube again, opening it quickly when he hears Jon whining. He grins to himself when he realizes he gets to see Jon like this, then he coats his fingers excessively, leaning down to kiss the small of Jon's back. 

 

"I'm gonna stretch you, okay?" Spencer says, and Jon just nods. Spencer spreads Jon's cheeks again, sliding his finger around Jon's hole. Jon shudders beneath him again, and he pushes in the first finger slowly. Jon makes a funny noise and Spencer tries to see his face, but Jon just nods again when Spencer doesn't move. He pulls out his finger and adds two, attempting to scissor them. 

 

"Oh fuck," Jon breathes out. Spencer bites his lip but continues, stretching Jon as much as he can with two fingers, then he curls them and Jon moans out way too loudly. At least he found his spot, Spencer thinks as he grins to himself. He pulls out his two fingers before adding a third one, curling his fingers again after he hears Jon whimper. Spencer keeps stretching him, opening Jon up as much as he can. He thinks of how tight Jon will be around him and he chews the inside of his cheek in concentration.   
 

Spencer pulls out his fingers and grips Jon's hips, pulling Jon up to his knees on the bed. Jon can tell he won't be able to hold himself up on his arms, so he leans on his elbows and hears Spencer open the condom and slick up his cock. Jon inwardly curses himself, forgetting to help Spencer out.  _I'll do it next time_  he thinks. Then his mind wanders to how it'll be next time.

  
"Wait, wait, wait," Jon says, and he turns around and looks at Spencer, then he rolls over on his back, takes a deep breath, and then sits up. He slightly laughs and looks at Spencer. "Um, you're clean right?" Jon asks.

 

Spencer nods and looks down at his cock, and Jon just grins again before he reaches over and pulls the condom off, tossing it on the floor. Spencer makes a face and looks at Jon. 

 

"I don't like to use them unless I need to," Jon says, a grin still on his face. Spencer laughs and realizes how high Jon is, then he shakes his head and grabs the lube again. Jon snatches it from him, squeezing a liberal amount on his hands and looking up at Spencer as he reaches for his cock, stroking him. Spencer moans and slightly bucks into Jon's hand before he slaps them away.

 

"Okay, okay, turn back around," Spencer breathes out, leaning down and pecking Jon's lips. Jon smiles and turns back around, returning to his position. He feels Spencer's hand on his right hip and then Spencer's cock at his entrance, then he holds his breath when Spencer pushes in.

  
Jon grips the bedsheets and hangs his mouth open, whimpering. Spencer stifles a moan, feeling how tight Jon is and squeezing his hip. He keeps pushing in, looking down and watching his cock disappear into Jon, moving his hand away from the base to grip Jon's other hip. He pushes in all the way, moaning again when Jon's muscles clench around him. 

 

"Shit, fuck, fuck," Jon says, his voice faltering. Spencer bites his lip and starts to move, slightly changing his angle and feeling Jon shudder around him. "Fuck!" Jon yells out.

 

"Shh," Spencer says, leaning down and kissing Jon's spine again. Spencer starts thrusting, his angle slightly changing again. Jon moans and Spencer can feel it, making him grit his teeth and arch his back. Spencer keeps thrusting into him, licking his lips as he watches his cock appearing and then reappearing into Jon repeatedly. Spencer can see sweat forming on Jon's back, and he keeps his grip tight on Jon's hips, hearing him moaning. Jon has a sexy moan. 

 

"Harder," Jon says, his voice raspy. Spencer swallows and takes in a deep breath, pulling almost all the way out before slamming back in. Jon makes a sharp sound through his teeth, his fingers spreading on the mattress. Spencer keeps his rhythm straight, building up their orgasms with each thrust. Jon seemed to clench tighter around Spencer each time, making him drop his jaw.

 

"Jesus, Jon. Fuck," Spencer breathes out, opening his eyes. Jon has managed to turn his head back around and he looks at Spencer as he bites his lip. Spencer reaches down around Jon and grabs his cock, sliding his thumb over the leaking head. Jon gasps and his hips lurch forward into Spencer's hand as he strokes him, his movement slow but still fluid. He manages to keep his movements consistent as he watches Jon fold out beneath him, his elbows buckling beneath him. His chest was flush against the mattress as his hands still gripped the bedsheets.

 

"Spencer, oh f-fuck," Jon whimpers, and he can't hold it anymore, clenching tight around Spencer one last time as he comes. Spencer feels the warm liquid falling over his knuckles, and he arches his back and squeezes Jon's hip, thrusting in and coming as he breathes out Jon's name.

 

Jon's legs are trembling but he can't manage to lay out on the bed. Their breathing matches each others, fast and rugged. Spencer pulls out and lays next to Jon, helping him to move his legs down to lay down as well. Spencer wraps his arms around Jon's waist, nuzzling his nose into Jon's hair. Jon smiles and closes his eyes. 

 

"No one ever cuddles me," Jon says after he finally catches his breath. Spencer's fingertips stroke up and down Jon's back softly. 

 

"Get used to it," Spencer replies, smiling.

 

\---

 

Jon wakes up with a dull pain in his lower back and ass. Spencer's chest is against his back, spooning Jon. He's still asleep, snoring lightly. Jon carefully turns around, slightly wincing, and studies Spencer. His hair is slightly covering his face, his mouth hanging open. Jon grins and brushes his hair back, kissing his forehead. Spencer wakes up slowly, his eyes opening. He looks at Jon and wipes off his mouth, yawning and then stretching out.

 

"Good morning," Spencer says, smiling. He looks around the room and slightly frowns, sitting up.

 

"We had sex in their bed," Spencer says, glancing down at the covers. Jon reaches over and takes his hand. 

 

"I'm sure they won't mind, Spence," Jon says, and he reaches over with his other hand, tilting Spencer's chin towards him and kissing him softly. Spencer smiles a little and moves his hand up, scratching Jon's beard with his fingertips softly. They hear Zoey screaming playfully from her room, and Spencer pulls away, standing up and grabbing Jon's underwear. He shrugs before putting them on and tossing his own over to Jon.   
 

Spencer walks to Zoey's room, Jon following behind a few seconds later. He gets to her room and sees Zoey standing up in her crib, clinging to the side and moving up and down. 

 

"Are you ready to walk today, little lady?" Spencer asks, picking her up and kissing her cheek. She stares at him blankly before putting her hands on his cheeks and giggling. "Yeah, I know, I should shave, huh?" He says.

 

"No, you shouldn't," Jon says as he walks into the room. Spencer smirks and hands her to him.   
 

"I won't, if you change her diaper," Spencer says, and he walks out of the room quickly while laughing to himself. Jon hears the shower start a few minutes later. He changes her diaper, silently thanking god that it wasn't poopy, then he wipes her face from the baby drool with a wipe. They go downstairs and he sets her in her high chair.

 

"Breakfast date, huh? I hope it isn't too awkward for you," Jon says to Zoey, grinning to himself. He washes his hands before getting her food ready, sitting down in the chair in front of hers and feeding her.

 

"So, do you mind if I take you to the living room? I think The Wiggles will be on soon, wouldn't miss it."

 

Zoey just stares at him, pushing out her food when he attempts to feed her. "You seem familiar, have I seen you before last night? Oh, you live upstairs? Well no wonder, I live in the office up there," Jon says. He hears Spencer laugh and he grins when he glances over at him.

 

"I'll take it from here. You should shower, get ready for The Wiggles," Spencer says. Jon stands up and gives him a peck on the lips. 

 

"Well I wasn't going to tell her, but I guess we could have a threesome..." Jon says. 

 

"Jon!" Spencer laughs, shaking his head. "Just go shower," he says, grinning. Jon smirks and runs up the stairs. Spencer finishes feeding Zoey and pulls her out of her high chair, setting her down on the floor while he cleans up her high chair. Then he grabs a paper towel and turns around, seeing Zoey standing up and gasping.

"Jon! Jon, get down here, now!" Spencer yells, walking over and holding his hand in front of Zoey. He didn't want her to fall over, but he didn't want her to take her first steps without Jon being there.

 

"What?! What's wrong?" He yells, getting out of the shower quickly. He grabs a towel and attempts to run out of the bathroom, slipping and falling onto his chest.

 

Spencer hears a thump and yells for Jon to hurry up, and Jon scrambles out of the bathroom and down the stairs to the kitchen. Spencer moves his hand away and Zoey takes her first step, wobbling a little. Spencer grins and claps his hand. "Yay, Zoey!"

 

Jon laughs and kneels down. "C'mere Zoey!" Jon says, his hands out stretched. Zoey is still wobbling, but she manages to walk into Jon's outstretched arms. 

 

They spend the rest of the day setting up gates and child safety locks.

 

\---  
 

Spencer's picking out fruit when he notices Jon smirking at a woman. He watches him, then he grins. 

 

"Oh, no wonder you're always excited to go to the store!" Spencer says, playfully shoving Jon. Spencer notices the woman looking at Zoey, and then he grins and laughs again. "And you use her as bait, too!"

 

Jon just grins and kisses Zoey's forehead. "I do not. They just swarm to me when I have her," Jon replies, pushing the cart down the aisle. 

 

"Try it on me," Spencer says, picking through the plums.

 

"You want me to use my magic on you? I don't think that's a good idea,' Jon says, smirking inwardly.

 

"Just do it," Spencer says.

 

"No way, I'm not gonna try and pick you up. Besides, I already have you," Jon says, and Spencer grins, rolling his eyes. They walk over to the vegetables and Jon picks out a red onion. "Hey, I want to make some potato salad. Should I use red onions?"

 

"Yellow onions are traditional," Spencer replies.

 

"Ooh, culinary knowledge. Where'd you learn that from?" Jon asks, still holding the onion in his hand.

  
"I went to a culinary school in Chicago, but that's just something people know," Spencer says, shrugging. Jon smirks. "Really? That's impressive, I've never known anyone who went to culinary school."

 

"Yeah, it was just one of the Art Institutes... Oh, I see what you're doing," Spencer says, grinning and laughing. Jon grins as well and puts the onion back. 

 

"You're good," Spencer says, and Jon leans in and pecks his lips. Spencer smiles and the two women that were staring at Jon turn away.

 

\---

 

Jon and Spencer decide it's time for Brendon and Ryan to move out. 

 

So they pick up boxes, and with heavy hearts, they put all of their photos away. Spencer packs up Ryan's clothes, his scent lingering in the closet, and Jon puts Brendon's shoes away into the garage.

 

They place a photo taken by Jon on the mantle in the living room. Three smiling faces, Spencer, Zoey, and Jon. A few photos stay in their place.

 

It's been eight months already. Spencer's still heart-broken that Zoey has begun to call them 'dada'. Jon places a portrait of Brendon and Ryan in Zoey's bedroom, right above her crib, and tells Spencer everyday that she won't forget them. 

 

She won't even remember them, so how can she forget them? Spencer thinks to himself, but he knows Jon is only trying to make him feel better. Then he thinks to himself how Brendon and Ryan wanted this, and he holds Zoey closer, her honey colored eyes so innocent and negligent when she hugs him back. 

 

They're watching The Wiggles when Jon tells Spencer of the job offer he's gotten. It's in Chicago, back home.

 

"What'd you say?" Spencer asks. Zoey is half asleep on his chest, and he's sure she can hear it.

 

"They gave me a week to think about it," Jon replies, looking down but keeping his arm around Spencer's shoulders. Spencer his rubbing Zoey's back as if to comfort her, but it's more for himself.  
 

"Do you want to move to Chicago?" Jon asks. Spencer looks at him thoughtfully before he shakes his head. 

 

"Jon, I have... everything is here. My bakery, my family, Brendon and Ryan," he says, looking down at Zoey. "But I don't want to keep you from your dream. And I know you miss Chicago."

 

Jon leans in closer to Spencer, kissing the side of his head. "I would miss you and Zoey more."

 

Spencer smiles a little and bites his lip. "I want you to do what you think you should do. And I'll... I'll follow you."

 

Jon pulls back and looks at him. "You'd do that?" 

 

Spencer lifts his head and studies Jon's face, smiling before he nods. "Of course I'd do that. You... You and Zoey, Jon. I don't think you understand how much both of you mean to me. How much I love you both," Spencer says, and wraps his free arm around Jon's neck, pressing their forehead together. "How much I love you."

 

Jon just looks into Spencer's eyes, slightly in shock. But then he slowly starts to smile, his hand gripping Spencer's shoulder.

 

"I love you, too, Spencer," he says, a stupid grin on his face. Spencer reciprocates it before he kisses Jon slowly, their noses pressing against each others.

 

Jon declines the offer. 

 

\---

 

One night, when Jon and Spencer manage to get a babysitter for Zoey, Jon takes Spencer to Brendon and Ryan's grave site. Jon cries a little, and Spencer does too, when they tell them how big Zoey has gotten, and what words she's saying now. Spencer traces his fingers along the engraved names.

 

"And me and Jon, we're both so happy now, because of you two," Spencer whispers, blinking back tears. He can almost feel their presence when he says how in love he is with Jon. Spencer sets down a bouquet of flowers and wipes under his eyes. Jon smiles at him and Spencer starts to leave, but Jon grabs his hand.

 

"Spencer, wait," Jon says. He seems nervous when Spencer steps back in front of him. "Listen. Wait. Look, okay... I know this is sort of morbid, but I figured it'd be sort of romantic, because I know you'd want Brendon and Ryan to be here." 

 

"Be here for what?" Spencer asks, and Jon takes a deep breath and pulls out a familiar box. He opens it and Spencer can't help but cry and cover his mouth. It's a ring, but it's not just any ring. It's  _Ryan's_ ring. Jon kneels down in front of Spencer, still holding his hand, and Spencer kneels down in front of Jon as well. His eyes are already red, and he bites his lip when he looks at Jon.

 

"I hope this is okay. If it's not, I can get you your own ring, but it just has a lot of meaning, you know?" Jon says, biting his lip. "Brendon had Ryan's ring engraved, and it says 'Always You'."

 

Tears are spilling out over Spencer's cheeks, because he was there when Brendon got Ryan's ring, when it was engraved. Jon reaches up and puts his hand on Spencer's face, wiping his tears away with his thumb. 

 

"They had it right, you know. They were made for each other, and I feel the same with you. I feel like you were made for me, Spencer, and it's always going to be you. Always you, Spence," Jon says, and he's crying now too. Spencer leans his forehead against Jon's, his vision blurry. "Marry me?" Jon finally asks, and he sniffles. 

 

Spencer nods and kisses Jon, wrapping his arms around his neck. Jon kisses him back, his hand still cupping Spencer's face when they break apart. "Yes," Spencer says, and he's smiling now. They both stand up and Jon takes a deep breath, taking the ring from the box and grabbing Spencer's left hand to slide the ring on. 

 

Spencer looks at his hand, feeling Jon wipe away his tears again, then he looks at the grave stone. 

 

"They'd be happy. Really, very happy, Spence," Jon says, and Spencer nods before Jon hugs him close, his arms going around Jon's shoulders. 

 

It's only starting to get dark when they say goodbye to Brendon and Ryan. They walk hand in hand out of the cemetary.

 

"You remind me more of Ryan," Spencer says when they get to the bakery. Jon orders a cranberry scone and a redbull while Spencer gets a strawberry cream pastry and a coffee. 

 

"I do?" Jon asks, and then he nods to himself after taking a bite of his scone. "I do, don't I?"

 

Spencer smiles and realizes he can't wait to get home to Zoey, so they eat quickly and walk back home. The babysitter has Zoey bathed and in bed asleep already, and Jon pays her. They wish her good luck on her math test tomorrow.

 

They stand in the kitchen solemnly, and Spencer remembers when he saw Brendon and Ryan dancing in the kitchen. He then remembers the song, and stands up and walks to the kitchen counter where the stereo is, then he pulls out the CD from the drawer beneath, putting it on and switching to the song. 

 

_Time is never time at all, you can never ever leave, without leaving a piece of youth._

  
Jon smiles at Spencer and stands up when Spencer motions for him to come over, his arms wrapping around Spencer's waist. Spencer's arms go around his shoulders, and he pecks Jon's lips before he rests his head on Jon's shoulder.

 

They dance in the same spot, Spencer's head tucked under Jon's chin. Jon hums with the song softly, his fingertips stroking Spencer's hip under his shirt. 

 

"Love you," Jon says. For the first time, in a very long time, he feels like everything will be okay. Jon imagines Brendon and Ryan in the room upstairs, cooing Zoey to sleep, in the living room, watching The Wiggles, in the kitchen, attempting to feed her breakfast. 

 

"I love you too," Spencer whispers.

 

_The indescribable moments of your life, the impossible is possible tonight. Believe in me as I believe in you, tonight._


End file.
